Twelve reasons Christmas is better than sex

1. The only turkey in the house is on the dinner table.
2. The only spontaneous surprises come down the chimney.
3. When we strip off the wrapping, we are always excited by what's inside.
4. The only thing expected to be in mint condition are the candy sticks.
5. Overweight people are in!
6. The only thing frigid is the weather.
7. The only beings required to be horny are the reindeer.
8. If things don't go well, you can still sing about putting the partridge in the pear tree.
9. The only necessary climax is Santa's arrival.
10. All you need to jazz up the same old stale fruitcake is a little rum.
11. The stiffest thing in the house has a star on the tip.
12. If you don't get what you want, you don't have to go through it again until next year.

© Enda Junkins, LCSW, LMFT, BCD